Monthly Archives: August 2016

Games

Tips For Winning Jackpot Bingo

BingoATTENTION, MAGGOTS! FALL IN! You sorry lot thought that you could take a break from fighting the jackpot wars just because you know a thing or two about slot jackpots, eh? Hah! What a joke! ON THE GROUND AND GIVE ME TWENTY! You miserable little ladies have been here long enough to know that the jackpot wars never end! So what if you know a little bit about slots, big deal! You don’t stop learning how to run just because you know how to walk! There’s many more things you can know about slot jackpots, and even further, there’s plenty of things you can learn about non-slot jackpots! Take, for example, bingo jackpots. What, you didn’t even know that bingo had progressive jackpots?! You see, this is exactly the kind of crap that has sent you here, recruit! Not only are there bingo jackpots, but many of them match or even surpass those found in slots! Just look at this young lady who got £1.2 million from a bingo jackpot (only to then proceed to lose every penny, but the jackpot boot camp can only teach you how to win the jackpot, not what to do with it).

I know what you’re thinking, maggot – “Boy, geez, Drill Sergeant, just how exactly do I win myself a bingo jackpot too?” I DON’T CARE THAT THAT’S NOT WHAT YOU WERE THINKING, WHILE YOU’RE HERE YOU’RE THINKING WHAT I SAY YOU’RE THINKING, GOT IT?! Anyway, because I’m so nice I’ll give you a few tips on how you can maximize your chance of scoring the big break while playing bingo. The first one might seem obvious, but verify that the bingo game in question has a progressive jackpot. It’s not always immediately obvious, and if you don’t see the words “Jackpot” displayed prominently somewhere, just assume that there isn’t one and move on. Bingo games with a progressive jackpot are a bit more expensive, since that extra money goes directly to the pot, but it’s a small price to pay for the chance of winning millions. And besides, there are ways to mitigate it entirely – look for bingo offers and bonuses online. As you know (and if you don’t, SHAME ON YOU, MAGGOT), bingo sites will often give you free money that you can spend on testing the various games out – for example, if you deposit £20, you get another £20 for free. The problem is, to prevent fraud, the second £20 doesn’t count as “real” money – instead, let’s call it play money. It can’t be withdrawn, and any amount you win with play money also gets converted to play money until you bet it and win it a set amount of times. However, if you happen to win the jackpot with play money, you still get to keep it as real money, no questions asked. Which is why it’s generally a very good idea to hunt for the best rated bingo offers online and exploit them whenever you can, since they pretty much give you a free shot at the big jackpot.

Armed with that information, you’ve got everything you need to go out there and win the jackpot war once and for all! HA! As if! The jackpot war never ends, soldier! You may win the battle, but the conflict rages on! Remember that the next time you’re striving for that elusive bingo jackpot! Now FORWARD MARCH, MAGGOTS! Go make your country (and your pockets) proud!

Gambling, Games, Roulette

How to Win Big Playing Roulette

rouletteWelcome back recruits, and congratulations on passing your basic training on jackpot slots. No doubt you have put these valuable lessons into practice by now. So, on to stage two of your training.

Despite the million pound prizes that are up for grabs on progressive slots, they are not the only casino games that enable you to win big money at online casinos. Plus, sometimes you want to play a game with a bit more pizazz and glamour, am I right? Then roulette is the game for you.

There’s a few different approaches you can take in your aim to strike it lucky at the roulette wheel. The biggest payouts can be earned with straight up bets. By betting on a single number, you stand the chance of pocketing a big payout if you guess right. A successful single number bet pays out 35 to 1, a very rewarding sum for a simple spin of the wheel. Yet you can take a different approach and bet on simple chances. These include betting on red/black, even/odd or high/low. Obviously your chances of winning this type of bet are much higher than betting on a single number, and this is reflected in the payout. A successful bet of a simple chance pays out 1 to 1.

So if you want to win big, it’s a pretty simple strategy really. Either go for moderately sized bets on single numbers, or bet high amounts on simple chances. Of course, the bigger your bet, the bigger your potential payout. If you want to try this approach and have a substantial bankroll to play with, then you should look out for casinos with high table limits for roulette. A good starting place would be www.roulettesites.org/high-stakes/ where you will find recommended casinos that provide roulette games with the highest limits to cater to the serious high rollers.

If you don’t have the funds to play with the highest stakes, there is another possible way to walk away from the roulette table minted. That is to play progressive roulette. It works in a similar way to a progressive jackpot slot, in that a small percentage of all the money bet on the game goes into a separate pot, which builds and builds to extraordinary amounts, until the jackpot is cracked.

There are a number of variations of this type of progressive roulette game. One example is Microgaming’s Roulette Royale. In this version, the jackpot is awarded when the ball stops on the same number on five consecutive spins. Of course, the odds of that happening are pretty slim, but as they say, you have to be in it to win it, and when it does happen, it will be a very rewarding payout. Another roulette variant which includes a progressive jackpot is Marvel Roulette from Playtech. This game is a real treat for the eyes, with a variety of characters from the Marvel films included. In the game, you can place an optional side bet on the Marvel Bonus. This gives you a shot at winning the coveted Marvel Mystery Progressive jackpot, which regularly pays out prizes in the tens of thousands of pounds.