ON YOUR FEET, YOU LAZY ANIMAL! Where do you think you are, kindergarten? There’ no time to be moping around in bed! If you want to do that, go back to your momma’s house, because here we’ve got a jackpot war to be winning, and I’m not going to have your lazy ass ruin our odds when the slots hit, you got that?! Now get down on the ground and give me twenty, soldier! What’s this? You think I’m just a cheap rip-off of the drill sergeant from “Full Metal Jacket”? LET’S MAKE THEM TWO HUNDRED, YOU MAGGOT! If there’s one thing I hate in this entire world, it’s being compared to something or somebody else! There’s only one of me, you stupid ass piece of garbage, and you better remember it, or else I’ll rain fire and brimstone on the watermelon you call a head! Though in fairness, as much as I’d hate to admit it, Private, I can see why you’d think that – in the jackpot wars, many casino games have numerous types and variants, so it’s only fair that your instructor also has variants, right? WRONG! And if you bring it up again you’re going to be running laps around the camp until you throw up your own backside, understood?
Now, the most popular casino game with multiple variant is, of course, roulette, which has European, American and French (probably because some poor bastard didn’t realize France is actually in Europe). There’s also a couple of other, less popular variants, such as “Deal or No Deal Roulette”, but the three I listed earlier are pretty much found everywhere. Of course, I wouldn’t expect a lowly maggot such as yourself to know that blackjack also comes in several variants, the most popular of which are American and European (no French this time, probably because the same poor bastard finally got himself a bloody map). While you can learn more about them, including where to play them, on this excellent site about real money blackjack, I’m going to do my job and drill you on the major differences between American and European blackjack right here, right now, out of the goodness of my heart, and because I don’t want you to get killed as soon as the blackjack wars start.
While in online roulette, the French version offers the best odds while the American has the worst (maybe one day I’ll drill you in on why, exactly, that is), the opposite holds true for blackjack. When given the choice, you should ALWAYS go with the American version and not the European version, as there are several ways in which the American has it better. For example, when a European dealer has a soft 17, they will always hit, but an American one will always hold. That way, if you have 18 or more, you’re guaranteed to win the hand, while a European dealer will risk going bust in order to win. This is probably the biggest advantage that American blackjack offers over European one, but there are a few smaller ones too, such as the ability to surrender and double down on any card and not just on 9, 10 or 11 like in the European variant. Overall, they’re very small advantages, but they do add up over the course of multiple games.
Did you get all of that, maggot? I hope you were writing it down, because I’m not saying it again! Now go out there and make your country proud, dammit! ON THE DOUBLE, MISTER!
Welcome back recruits, and congratulations on passing your basic training on jackpot slots. No doubt you have put these valuable lessons into practice by now. So, on to stage two of your training.
ATTENTION, RECRUITS! Present arms! You there! Yes, you, maggot! You think you can win the great jackpot war by ignoring your drill sergeant’s orders, huh? On the floor and give me twenty! You lousy lot may all think that this is all a game, that playing online slots is just a fun little activity to do when you’re bored, and that there’s no way you can possibly win the great Jackpot no matter how much you try. Well, to hell with that! Those are the excuses of pathetic men and women who are never going to smell a jackpot if it came and bit them on the arse! After I’m done with you, you will not be pathetic! You will know exactly what to do, which slots to play, how to play them and where to play them in order to maximize your chance of winning the jackpot. Your training through boot camp will be so hard it’ll make actual military boot camp look like playing soccer against the Special Olympics team! And let me tell you, the actual Jackpot War will be a hundred times tougher than that! But you will fight! You will struggle through it, you will learn, you will improve, and by the time I’m done with you, miserable dirtbags, you’ll be ready to tackle on the world of casino jackpots! Mark my words – if you work hard, and are very lucky, maybe, just maybe, eventually you’ll be able to win a jackpot of your own. At ease, soldier! Go to your tent and rest for now. Your training begins tomorrow.